I don’t know why she left. Or why she didn’t return my calls. But she was gone, and I was sad. Really, really sad. We were so close and shared secrets and stories, clothes and music. And I never knew why. Tonight a writing workshop turned into a discussion about friendship and expectations and I remembered her. And through all the sadness and hurt I was still grateful for the time we were friends.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes they show up in your life to help you learn a lesson, whether you want to or not. I actually think about this a lot. Sometimes I wonder about past lives and what that means for the one I currently am living. One popular rationalization I cling to is that I must have had the love affair of a lifetime already and have learned everything I need to know about romantic relationships, so I don’t really need to have a guy in my life right now. Even though I don’t really believe in past lives, it makes me feel better about being alone.
I am one of the lucky ones. There are people I am close to from literally every decade I have been alive. I have sisters who all these years later also my friends. There are people from high school who I still talk to 40 years later. I still get to see friends from college at SUNY Oswego, some of whom you have read about in previous posts. (here is a pic of some of us at a game night after graduation) I travel to see them in places like Philly and Key West and sometimes people come to CNY to see me. When we see each other the years melt away and we giggle about the same stuff we joked about 30 years ago, And Facebook is a great place to keep up with the people who no longer live close enough to share a drink or a meal with.
When Nick and Diego were small, my sister Judy fell into a great group of women at a babysitting co-op who adopted me as well even though I didn’t have young kids. These women helped me though my 40’s and were there for many camping trips and pot luck dinners and party nights. The husbands became friends as well and the kids ran around in a pack. Here’s a pic of those amazing ladies!
But there are times when I think of people who are no longer orbiting around my world. Those who enriched my life and helped me learn lessons about love and friendship and music and life. Pulling out the scrapbooks or coming across an old box of cards, I stop and spend hours remembering those people who were part of my life. And it does take hours because I am a bit of a memory hoarder and keep all sorts of cards and letters and other mementos. A song on the classic rock station will remind me of an old boyfriend or a party in Cayuga Hall with the rugby guys. St. Elmo’s Fire reminds me of popcorn and Swedish Fish and friends from college I shared all of it with.
Sometimes the band wives talk about winning the lottery. And what we would do with the money. And because we agree about so many things, we think it would be fun to all live together in a compound, a la the Kennedys (I will admit I am influenced by Hyannis and have driven around looking for the Kennedys when on Cape Cod.) Or maybe the Kardashians. How much fun would it be to walk out my door to find the guys practicing music or the ladies drinking wine? Life is good for now, and I know I am lucky, but it is definitely something to shoot for!