Month: October 2020

I’m Doin’ Alright

Posted on by debbiehoran

I was sitting on the deck with my mom, soaking up the sun on this gorgeous Indian summer day. She laughed out loud. “How come you have never told me about this flipping stuff? Is that really a thing?” after I explained that at the bookstore I am constantly flipping books back that customers flip over when they do not agree with the subject matter. This has been happening with greater frequency the closer we get to election day. So much for free speech. I loved that I could make her laugh so hard over something so silly.

I went to visit her on a whim. It was a warm, sunny day and I know I won’t get many more of those. She is #inexileforthegoodoftherealm (her hashtag for 6 months now) and will not be having us in her house, and won’t be coming into any of ours. It has been so hard not hugging us for the better part of 6 months now (she did sneak a few in back in June when the NYT published an article about how to do it safely.) Her mind is swirling with thoughts about how she will be able to get through the next 7 months of cold weather, keeping her spirits up while not getting time to spend time with the people in her life who she loves. She just made an appointment today so she can go to Mass in person in a couple of weeks. No one could have imagined the life she is living right now. And still, she persists. With grace and optimism.

When people meet my mom it’s easy to see that she’s where I get my positive attitude (my snarkiness I get from my sisters.) I think it’s important on World Mental Health Day to say that I’m doin’ alright (to quote Joe Cocker) thanks to the skills I cultivated growing up in our family. With so many people in crisis and despair, isolated and lonely, and filled with anxiety, I know how lucky I am to have my family and friends in my life, even though it is outdoor picnics and Zoom happy hours. Pandemic meltdowns, seasonal depression all year round, people grieving and mourning losses not imagined a year ago…that is our life now. But I’m doin’ alright.

I know I have it easier than most. I have a job that was not interrupted at all during the last 6 months. I am at work 5 days a week with people I enjoy working with, so I have human contact. I have my health. And I have Friday night Zoom happy hours with my band wife family. And outdoor visits with my actual family. I have been able to take writing classes throughout all of this. My house is comfortable, even if it’s a bit messy because what the hell, I am not having anyone over anyway.

With all of this, there are still times when loneliness or anxiety creeps in. Let’s face it, for most of us it’s a scary world out there right now. It’s easy to get caught up in the media stories and become overwhelmed with all the injustice, bullying, and violence. The uncertainty of where the USA will end up and what the country’s place in the global community will be. Sometimes I want to crawl under a blanket and not come out.

I am here to tell you that it’s OK to be sad. Mad. Anxiety ridden. Depressed. Exhausted. These are normal feelings, especially during this crazy time, and when there is not an definitive end in sight. Feel your feelings, but also try to determine what you need to fill your bucket. Do everything you can to find your joy. Make those connections that will help carry you through to the next phase. Everyone needs help sometimes. Please, please ask for it and seek it out. And don’t be afraid to ask for help professionally. I know. I spent thousands of dollars on counseling school and I sought professional mental health and I am better for it. Really!

And if you are someone who is not doing alright, reach out. I don’t have answers, but I can make you laugh!! And that will move the needle toward optimism. And joy.

 

Could We Start Again, Please?

Posted on by debbiehoran

2020 has been a year like no other. No need to go into all the disturbing and disheartening details. There have been so many ups and downs in my life, bottoming out some of the time and starting to climb up other times. Everyone is currently living a version of this.

So here I am trying to climb up again. New month, new purpose. Full moon. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, as that cutie Kyle Chandler used to say in Friday Night Lights. I will look at each day in October with clear eyes and move through my day filling my heart. Then I feel like I would be ready to help others fill their hearts. That is one of the real challenges that I think so many of us are facing, how to help those around us with the anxiety and fear and loneliness and isolation that we are all dealing with. Thousands of dollars spent going to counseling school hasn’t helped me out with my own depression, and I haven’t felt able to help others with theirs.

So I am going to start small. I will spend time writing every day, for just 20 minutes a day. I will spend another 10 minutes every day being quiet, just sitting with myself with whatever emotions come bubbling to the surface. And I will commit to using my new and most favorite tool, my Everyday Joy journal.

I have been using this journal for a few weeks now, here and there. It was written to be used for 90 consecutive days and although it has brought me some joy and clarity, I have not been using every day. This will change during October. The Everyday Joy Journal was created by author Alexis Pierce to help navigate a tough time in her life, and it has in turned helped others. It has helped me to learn how to live each day, not just wait for the weekend or the next special occasion. It has given me the courage to get through countless days these last couple of months. We will have copies shortly at my Barnes & Noble, and I would encourage you to check it out at Amazon.com (this is how serious I am, mentioning the competitor!!)

I will post things in my life that are bringing me joy. Today it was going out for burgers with my nephew and friend, Diego. He makes me smile and laugh and gives the greatest hugs (don’t worry, it was safe). I hope that you find things in your life that are bringing joy for you. I would encourage you to share those things with those in your life who you love. It is what will get us through.