My parents had faith in a God that would always provide, even when neither was working. No reason to assume I would ever go hungry. $50 bucks a week feeding 10 to 12 people. 7 kids getting free lunch at school, breakfast if they left early. Government cheese, big cans of peanut butter. Always an extra person at the table. Even when we didn’t know when the next meal was coming from, there was food.

The chest freezer was full whenever uncle Denny sold us a cow, emptier other times when it was hardly worth the electricity to run.  Someone had chickens used as placebos in experiments, dead and beheaded but not plucked. After boiling them so the feathers could be plucked easier, the kitchen smelled foul for weeks. Going into the freezer to get dinner items I had a pain in in my stomach while hanging at the waist to dig through frozen chunks of bloody beef to find corn or fish sticks. But I had a secret. The fun-sized Nestle crunch bars we received because they were burned in production. I would sneak whenever I could get away from the kids to grab handfuls. My earliest bingeing behavior. I never went hungry.


I Wanna Rock!

This past weekend the latest inductees were welcomed into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Some of the Band Wives and guys took a road trip to Cleveland to hit up the RRHOF and margarita flights (at Nueva Modern Mexican and Tequila Bar)!

Inspired by my hours immersed in rock history, here are some great performances from my favorite inductees!


Stop Draggin My Heart Around by Stevie Nicks (inducted 2019) featuring Tom Petty (inducted with The Heartbreakers in 2002)

I’ll kick it off with a song from the class of 2019, the first woman to be inducted twice, the first time with her group Fleetwood Mac. As luck would have it it also includes one of my other faves, Tom Petty!


Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show by Neil Diamond (inducted 2011)

When I was growing up, Hot August Night was easily the most played album in my house. Every one of us had their own favorite song from the Hot August Night live double album recorded live from the Greek Theater. Mine was the mashup of Brother Love and Soolaimon. Hallelujah!


Can’t Stand Losing You by The Police (inducted 2003)

I have loved listening to The Police since my brother’s college days, and my favorite song comes from very early on in their career, from the Outlandos d’Amour album.



You Should Be Dancing by the Bee Gees (inducted 1997)

This song brings me right back to high school. This video is really cool because Andy Gibb is also singing in it. I may not have John Travolta’s dance moves, but I start to groove as soon as I hear the opening notes! For those who think the Bee Gees just disco, look them up and you realize they had quite a spectacular career.


God Only Knows by the Beach Boys (inducted 1998)

I searched through several different videos for this song before choosing this, bittersweet because although Carl looks blissful while performing it, Brian seems wooden. After watching Love and Mercy, I realize the pain and listlessness Brian felt and in this video it is visible and heartbreaking.


Somebody To Love by Queen (inducted 2001)

It may seem silly that my favorite memory of this is in the kids movie Happy Feet, but it’s true. The drama and angst and harmonies are all representative of this amazing band.


When Will I Be Loved by Linda Ronstadt (inducted 2013)

It’s become tradition for the Band Wives to perform at our annual festival, Bands On The Run. Joanne (and the other wives as backup) knocked this song out of the park last year (thanks to the guys for always backing us up!) Here’s Linda doing it:


Already Gone by the Eagles (inducted 1998)

And of course you need to follow up Linda with her former back up band, The Eagles. As many of you already know, my favorite Eagles song is Already Gone, which is in standard rotation whenever the band plays out. Although a bit grainy, I love how the guys are having so much fun!!


Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley (inducted 1986)

I have been an Elvis fan from way back. There are so many more songs of his that were influential in rock and roll and gospel and blues, but the one of love the most is this one. Here’s the Elvis I will always remember, young and vibrant and charismatic:


Helplessly Hoping by Crosby, Stills & Nash (inducted 1997)

This song showcases their harmonies like no other, in my opinion. Day Ja Voo plays it with just one guitar and three gorgeous voices, This reaches deep into my soul whenever I hear it.


I Wanna Hold Your Hand by The Beatles (inducted 1988)

With hundreds of songs, it was really hard to narrow down what to select. For me, it came down to one that was early and easily recognizable. Look at those fresh faces and raw talent! Ladies and gentlemen: The Beatles!



Snow Day

Snow day! And what did I end up doing?? Poring through old high school yearbooks, having reconnected with an old friend from a high school play on Facebook and feeling nostalgic. We never used to close the bookstore, but in this day and age of fiscal responsibility we have to weigh the sales with the payroll and the safety of our staff, so with the text “We are closing. Enjoy the day!”, I was gifted a day off. The entire day was looming in front of me and there was so much I could be doing, behind in my writing and blog posting, reading, guitar practice, and housecleaning. So instead there I was, with three bound volumes of Talons (we were the Fowler Falcons) to flip through.

Before selfies were a thing, high schoolers had to wait for their senior pictures to be taken for the yearbook. Pictures of dances or parties were taken on rolls of film in cameras with flash cubes, that would be sent out to be developed, and then a week later you could pick them up and see fuzzy depictions of the events. Yearbooks were full of blurry pics of homeroom classes and sports teams and club photos and students couldn’t wait to get their hands on them. Then for the next two weeks people chased down friends, teachers, and those they admired but were too scared to approach on a daily basis and asked them to sign the yearbook.

I loved checking out the pictures of the teachers and staff, some with cute notes to me written over their pictures, like my Chemistry teacher writing “To Debbie (my favorite)”  or my 10th grade Social Studies teacher writing, “To the brain of 7th – yes you may go to the library tomorrow” or the director of the musical I just wrote about (Who Stole My Thunder) who told me I was a “lively actress”. I hope I won’t hurt anyone’s feelings if I mention I thought my teachers were all so old when I was in high school, but 40 years later I still see at least 4 of them of a regular basis at the bookstore, so I may have been a bit off in my math. I stopped for a second to send up prayers thanking those educators who were no longer with us for what they contributed to my development.

And my classmates! Boy, did we have fun! I was in chorus and in plays and was part of the boys basketball team (as a scorekeeper) and got to ride the bus with them, which made the cheerleaders so jealous! Those girls didn’t realize that I had no game and even if I did, my brother was on the JV team and rode the same bus so it would have been awkward. I had forgotten what great smiles everyone had and how they laughed and teased me! I had forgotten how skinny I was and how big my boobs were and how no one really cared about either.

Inside the cover of the Talon ’79 the inscriptions read that they would remember my smile and how friendly and how sweet I was. I think that if they saw me today that they would think all three would still be true. And oh the drama… how so many things we worried about back then are really not important at all.

Here’s the only pic that I liked from the whole yearbook, which my in friend Howie decided to call attention to my chest (as if it needed it) by telling me how ‘uplifting’ I am. Although I wouldn’t want to be 18 again, I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world! I had good friends and a stable family life and a cute boyfriend and was smart and funny. And now here I am in my 50’s and am smart and funny and have great friends and a wonderful family, including some nieces and nephews that I love more than anything and couldn’t even have imagined how amazing they would have been almost 40 years ago! Life is good for me right now, but I did enjoy the trip down memory lane when hair was feathered and high school musicals were mediocre and the library was a cool place to go, for me anyway.




Who Stole My Thunder?

There’s no picture of me in my huntress costume from my high school musical, but if you want to know what I looked like, just think Wilma Flintstone’s dress in a green jungle print (and with bigger boobs, it was way before my surgery).  “Who Stole My Thunder?” was an original musical about Roman mythology penned by my tenth grade English teacher. I reconnected with the guy who played Neptune, God of the Sea, last night on Facebook and it got me thinking about it.

It’s been 40 years so the storyline is a little fuzzy but it was something about how someone steals someone else’s thunderbolt, the gods get angry, and wackiness ensues. The story was told by Homer and took place partly on Mount Olympus. And of course there was a quest undertaken by Virocles, son of Ulysses. I couldn’t tell you where he went but there was a song that I can still remember the opening notes to called “Ho for the Wine Dark Sea”, unless Ho was their nickname for Juno, Queen of the gods. The cast was a mix of Roman gods and other gods that the playwright made up. They were actually pretty clever, mixing Bacchus and Mars and Venus and Diana with Badanova, the Brilliant and Calcula, the Computator. For all of those who think I am a prodigy because I remember so many crazy details, I broke into the memory boxes for the playbill.

Besides being one of Diana’s huntresses, I was also in the chorus with some of my friends from St Lucy’s. We had rehearsals a few times a week and without big parts, there was a lot of goofing around in the auditorium with the other bit players. Hanging out behind the curtain or sitting in the seats halfway up the aisle of the auditorium laughing at the people on stage, it was fun night after night. Here’s a blurry pic of a bunch of us. Old friends and new friends and even the guy who gave me my first kiss!

I was just talking about this whole experience a few weeks ago, laughing about how I had done the huntress dance with a dress with no bra and one strap and big boobs, and my singing…all I can say is there’s a reason I only play the tambourine. Honestly, I was surprised that the play got off the ground at all, with our director sipping every night from a Nestea can filled with something that definitely did not smell like iced tea!! How she kept herself and all of us in line I cannot imagine. But opening night eventually arrived and there were no wardrobe malfunctions and there were standing ovations. It was the 70’s and I am pretty sure it was video taped, but I can only hope that the tape has disintegrated from age if it exists at all in the Fowler archives. The school doesn’t even exist anymore, having been repurposed and renamed the Public Safety and Leadership High School. Some of the kids tried out for thte musical the next year, Godspell, and although I didn’t get into the cast, I saw the show and they did a great job and I have a better Godspell story anyway, future blog post. I have a soft spot in my heart for high school musicals (and for Disney’s High School Musical,  the one they do in elementary schools where my 10 year old nephew played George and sang the National Anthem) and for the fun I had with my thespian friends.


550 Words

Dear Linda, thank you for bringing me into this group of women with a common goal of writing 550 words every day. What a great video conference! Now that I have ‘met’ most of them I realize that you curated this group with great care (and I am guessing a bit of trepidation about exactly what kind of monster you were creating). Such different personalities with raw talent and commitment to generating work, great or otherwise (I know that sometimes I am just typing until I see the word count in the corner go past the requisite 550 words). And when we get together online like we did tonight everyone is so kind and supportive – oh, hold on. I need to get another beer – and I have to change seasons, the Sunfish is gone and now it’s Sam Adams Cold Snap. At least I’m not driving, right Alice?

Anyway, it was fun to hear everyone’s process and candidly talk about their “FAILED” days. I had excuses, band obligations and illness and last week when I was really sad about some stuff. It was even more fun to have them share tricks of their trade. I admire the fact that Judy can come up with a new subject practically every single day and be able to start a project with this raw material. I appreciate Angela’s focus on the big picture and how she wants what she is generating every day to link back to that larger project.  Alice could have acted superior because while some of us are buried in snow, she is in California with the sunshine in the background! But she wasn’t, although I think she was a bit jealous that I was enjoying a beer while she was stuck in LA traffic. And Roxi will be amused to know that after our call tonight I went into the living room to check my stack of recent acquisitions from Barnes & Noble to find I had purchased “642 Tiny Things To Write About”, part of the series of books that she had referred to that would help prompt writing and perhaps greatness.

Then there’s you Linda, herding cats. Conversation was fun and lively, with some good natured ribbing that would feel out of place in another group, but everyone here just seems to click. I can imagine that you are equal parts enthralled by the connections being made by some of your favorite writer friends, and overwhelmed by the sheer talent and drive, thinking that you may not measure up but knowing that all these women love and support you and realize how talented you really are.  Now I have to take a break from the seriousness to get the cake out of the oven I had to bake after our call. I thought I would be able to do it during the call but who knew I would be so captivated that I would not be able to break away!

So here’s to another 550 words. These are fun ones because I just enjoy the topic so much. I want to produce the word count every day for these women because I don’t want to let them down. And now after tonight’s discussions I want to take those words and edit and rework until they become great pieces because I want them to be proud of what I am creating. One 550 daily entry at a time.


Send In The Clown

Jim. A 92 year old man who lived a full and blessed life. I spent a couple of hours today listening to the stories of how he lived and my heart was full, and breaking. Full because it was evident that he touched so many lives, and breaking because my friend was mourning the passing of his Pop. The priest gave a wonderful homily about sunrises and sunsets and birth and death and about Jim going home. No matter what your thoughts about religion and life and the afterlife, it was a wonderful celebration. From the a cappella opening song “How Can I Keep From Singing”, chosen because Jim spent a lot of time his last couple of years singing out at the home, often at the top of his lungs, to the moving eulogy given by his son John, whose stories captured his essence perfectly.

And the stories I heard today from a few of his kids and from his wife – funny, heartwarming stories. And what I witnessed today, how he lives on in his kids and grandchildren. He proudly served in two wars, but was very private about it. He was in his 30’s when he met a woman raising 5 young children and this ready made family became his whole life. Two of his sons and at least one grandson followed in his footsteps, when they met women with young children and decided to create families with them. The path he forged as a loving and committed father helped those he loved bring joy and love into their lives.

Jim was a hard worker and a solid businessman who had a specific sense of right and wrong. He was a devoted husband and father. But every single member of his family shared stories today about his keen sense of humor, his tendency to seize any opportunity to play a prank, and even in his last years the ability to throw a few zingers at his unwitting targets. That is the Jim I remember whenever I went home to Greene with John. Everyone was fair game and although at first you thought he was just quiet, you found out very quickly he was just biding his time until he could strike. He was often a big softie as a dad, the perfect counterpart to his wife, who was often seen as a general keeping that crazy household running. In later years after retirement they traveled together and there’s a special picture of him in a kilt, unknowingly celebrating his Scottish heritage on a trip to Europe, that brought comfort to his granddaughter last weekend.

I wonder about the legacy I will be leaving, no children or business or any other situation that will continue on. Things live forever on the internet, and although I don’t know what kind of technology will be available 30 years from now, I am sure my stories of friends and family and fun will be out in universe. And then I think of the legacy that Jim left, loving dad and granddad, and now the great-grandchildren who will reap the benefits of his wisdom and wit. The memories of stories and laughs and family dinners will keep his spirit alive for many years to come. I think that if I am still teasing my friends and family and singing into my 80’s, much less my 90’s, then I will be blessed.


Remembering Dan

Raking leaves under a fall of snowflakes is status quo for me at the Great Camp Sagamore volunteer work weekends, whether it be May or October. It may seem extreme, but it is the mountains, after all. What a curious place, Great Camp Sagamore, existing in another time. No riding mowers or leaf blowers for this clean up crew, just rakes and shovels and tarps that had been previously been used for raven mitigation. That was a whole separate job that I was not willing to volunteer for (although Dana did!) that involved raven shit being cleaned off roofs. I get enough shit at work. I am Queen Pee after all.  Leaves piled on tarps are transported to a secluded section of woods and unceremoniously dumped onto other huge piles of leaves. And so it goes, every other season, fall and then spring and then fall again. No matter what the season, and what the weather, you could always find Dan wearing his trademark shorts.

Dan drove the oldest, rattiest truck. It seemed the esteemed road crew had custody of the other newer models. His daughter Kelly was our partner in crime that day, the third in our leaf banishing trio. We were glad to have young blood, I could barely climb into the cab of the truck, much less jump up into and down from the bed. At the end of the day it seemed a bit of a luxury to spend our energy on words, so it was quiet. The easiness with which the two of them fell into a pattern of dumping pile after pile of crusty, snow covered leaves was amazing to watch. Just when it seemed no more would fit, anther pocket of space would be found. And finally there were no more piles.

After dinner and entertainment, Kelly went to bed and Dan joined his friends at the round table, for our own brand of entertainment. In the main lodge, where the motley crew of volunteers gathered  in the evening, whatever happens at the round table stays at the round table. Kinda like Vegas, but really not at all. The particular evening in question ended up being conversations about strippers and kidnapping. Go figure. Dan was quiet by nature, but was also the first with a funny quip. He didn’t often say much but laughed a lot at that round table, for many years before I even met him. Many people have loved him over the years; I was able to get to know him over the last three years, a latecomer to Sagamore.

Spending time with Dan in the Tap Room in Raquette Lake , our regular stop on the way to Sagamore, was really cool. For those who don’t know, there is only one tap. And a liquor store in the window. And snails, on Friday, at 5ish. I love that place, and Dan and I have shared more than one beer there. Being from the city, exposing myself to those small town traditions is so cool for me.

Dan left this world rather suddenly last week. So many of us connected with Sagamore will miss him, myself included. And whenever I am sitting with my compatriots at the round table, we will lift a glass to a guy who loved life, and Sagamore.